False Cognates

THE KEY TO COMMUNICATING

Cognates are words that sound the same and have the same meaning in two languages. For example, if I heard my friend speaking French and she said the word “exactement”, I would probably assume that she meant “exactly”, and in this case, I’d be correct, because these words are cognates. False cognates are words that sound like they should be cognates but aren’t. So, if I heard this same friend say “collège” and assumed she meant a four-year university, I would be wrong, because these are false cognates. (She’s actually talking about middle school.)

False cognates can also convolute communication between people who speak the same language. They can be words, but they can be non-verbal communicators, too -- I have several friends who do the hand-squeeze thing as a greeting because they want to communicate, “I am excited to see you!” But, I also know people who do this and are communicating, “I need reassurance”. This one can feel like a burden to the people around them. If my friend does this to communicate that she is excited to see me, and I interpret it as a need for reassurance, this action is operating like a false cognate. It can cause problems because I’ll feel burdened by something that shouldn’t have communicated that at all.

These can be so easy to identify kindly if I’m looking for them. It is so disarming to approach an issue by saying, “this is what this thing communicated to me, but I want to understand what you intended to communicate”. If I’m on the receiving end of this, it’s helpful because I can be more aware of how this person interprets the things I do, and if I’m saying it, I can understand what she intended to communicate, which might be far less offensive. Either way, taking this step towards understanding the nuances of another person’s language is a huge step towards communicating well. If we can accept that people have different languages and really want to learn them, not just have others learn ours, relationships will improve so much!